slowly drifting

Nothing is constant

Somehow, I am expected to remain black and white

The color I add to my life confuses you

As if it was meant for you to understand

But you see

we are two Seas apart

while my Waves crash onto shore

yours rolling in tide

the harmonious flow of ignorance allowing you

to Live so simply

the same tide which keeps me up at night

wondering what is to come

what will Crash upon me?

never quite constant-

 

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Cheeky: Washed Away

I wonder what it would be like, living as if I was a wave. Every memory embedded in me, washed away. Everything I have experienced, could just be erased in that moment in time, like footprints in the sand at high tide. But most of the time I am low-tide, timid to make my appearance as if I’m holding onto those footprints. Holding onto memories even if they create melancholy in my mind. The Ocean has a restart button, a Cheeky way of soaking my ankles and washing away the art two lovers drew in the sand.

-G

If it is hurting you, it is not Love

Alright friends… I am not one to tell you to leave your significant other, but if these things start happening…maybe it is a good time to re asses who you want to spend your “forever” with. These 5 signs are not-so-recognized by the naked eye, due to both sides giving excuses for these behaviors.

No, I am not talking about this middle school puppy love. I’m reaching out to the 20-something year old men and women in the back, with promise rings and big dreams. Family plans and monogrammed fleece sweaters. Christmas cards sent to the folks. Is what is happening behind closed doors real love, or do you fear being alone? Stick with me here as I help you pick some signs that maybe your Zodiac match or your Swipe Right on Tinder may not be the one…

  1. Your significant other pushes you down, or questions your goals.

Alright folks, here’s a big one. If your S/O does not stand by you, and motivate you to do good and follow your dreams… need I say more? Sure, we are independent people who love to own our accomplishments- but do you feel the same way after your work is discredited? Your profession is belittled? Your craft put to shame?

2.  Your S/O puts their desires and feelings before yours.

Lets be real. We are old enough to know that personal feelings come before Xbox, and before the Monday night Football game. If your S/O is unwilling to talk to you about what is bothering you, and may push your feelings for “after the game”, are you willing to stay with someone emotionally detached?  Friends are great and they add an extra drop of sunshine to our lives, helping us in our darkest times, but what is a stable relationship without being able to talk to your most intimate companion?

3. He/She downplays your emotions.

It is 2017. The age of millennials, technology and advanced psychology. So my friends, if you disclose with your S/O you are suffering with Depression, or Anxiety and you are told to get over it…please love yourself first. If there is anyone in this world who tells you your feelings do not matter, they are not the one for you. In your hardest times your S/O is supposed to be the one who picks you up when you are down, and who sticks with you until you come back up. Love is not just when you are happy and smiling. Love is the good, bad, extremely sad and “I’m Mad”. (you’ve probably seen a post like this on relationship Tumblr, oh well. Here it is again. Love yourselves, because nobody’s going to love you, like you do).

4. Jealousy…the controlling type.

This goes out to my beautiful ladies living their best lives. You just made a post on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Your hair is done, face is beat, and that dress fits you in all of the right places. So those comments pour in quicker than those shots you’re going to take at the bar on a Girls Night Out. Well, your boyfriend doesn’t like the attention you’re receiving. Suddenly, you’re no longer wearing that dress. Whether it “made you look fat” or “you’re not going out like that” you are no longer joining the girls. So you throw on those sweatpants and do what your man wanted to do… because you love him.

(Disclaimer: Not everyone is like this, I am simply sharing events I have witnessed and experienced, and to share warning signs of a not so loving relationship).

5. Your S/O acts out publicly to get a reaction.

Just because you two get into an argument, does not mean either of you can react spitefully. Ladies, lets stop with the sub-tweeting and the “girl, what he do” posts because we all know that makes the situation sticky. Fellas, if you think this is a good time to take beer bongs with the boys in your frat best friends backyard…you’re wrong. In our generation our relationships seem to thrive off of social media. If you are not constantly watching what the other is doing, they have to be cheating. Right? Watch how their actions unfold after a disagreement, people’s true colors show when not everything glitters.

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read, and maybe take a couple espresso shots like I did while brainstorming this post. I wish for you to love the love who loves you back.

xoxo, -G

 

 

Finding Myself

Allyson Mcdougall blogs

〉〉I’m back! I was feeling discouraged because of the lack of views, but I won’t let that stop me! Enjoy this new post and look out for some others coming up soon!

Have you ever wanted to find yourself? Whether you go to church and test a new faith, move out of town or go shopping to find a new style. There are so many ways to discover who you really are…this is how I found myself in Costa Rica.

My fears were taking me over in all aspects of my life. I couldn’t talk to anyone I didn’t know, my legs would go numb just by looking at a bridge over water(thanks momma) and trusting anybody was totally out of the question. In Costa Rica I WALKED across the longest suspension bridge in the country while water was moving under it, I was talking to strangers in spanish despite…

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Alone Time

Reflections and Life Lessons

Alone time is a necessity for me. Just like oxygen and water, I need my alone time to function properly. On a regular basis, I need time by myself to recharge and get my energy right. Socializing with people excessively, whether in person or on the internet, is draining to me. For the most part, I like hanging out with people and talking about interesting topics but after being around people for too long I start to get irritated, tired, and cranky. Even my friends and mom can tell when I ready to go lock myself in my room just by the look on my face. They are understanding and give me time to myself.

Usually at the end of my long days, I speed walk back to my dorm room. When I get there, I turn off my phone and hide it. It’s like I get into this mood…

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Life up to Chance

I was sitting in the doctors office today, and I was thinking about all of the great things my close friends are up to. (weird place to think about your friends lives, I know). I have friends moving to different states, countries, getting hitched and starting businesses-and I feel stuck.

“It’s just not your time” “It will happen eventually” “You’re still young” are the common responses I get when I feel this way. But, who am I to listen to anyone…right. I am the first person to hear advice from hundreds of people, but the last person to actually use said advice.

I wish I could live my life like the risk-taking friends I have. Taking each day at a time, spontaneous plans and never knowing where tomorrow will take them. Myself on the other hand, always needs a plan. My life has been planned out for me since I was chilling in the womb, and growing up I always have felt like I am trying so hard to fit in this desired mold that everyone expected me to fill. There is not a single day that goes by where I don’t have 25 sticky notes and 3 planners reminding me of things I need to get done, day by day. All Hell breaks lose if I fit an unscheduled plan in my day- a literal catastrophe in my mind if something goes unplanned, or if I haven’t completed my list.

I also have the need to plan 5 years ahead of where I am, which some people tell me is the cause for my stress and feeling overwhelmed. What I can’t seem to shake, is the fact I am so young, and this is my time for making mistakes, yet I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone. I fear trying new things, or making those mistakes. It has been drilled into my head that one life lesson will screw up my entire life. I don’t take those chances like I have nothing to lose.

For all my friends that feel as time restricted, and plan oriented as I am- you’re not alone. Just because we don’t grocery shop today, doesn’t mean the produce won’t be there tomorrow. If we put aside an errand to hang out with a good friend, we can always revisit those errands tomorrow.

So for the next 30 days I will be testing myself. All pens and planners and note sections of my phone stored away for a period of growth, and self development.

This post was in response to the Daily Word:

Compass

Achieving a more carefree lifestyle.

Also, If this cute planner peaks your interest, you can find it on mogulmami.com , an amazing one woman Entrepreneur SLAYING her small business!

The FCC can Kiss My A-

Articles. Free usage of this site to post the content WE want, on OUR time. Scholarly Articles to research for our Bio class on Mondays and Wednesdays. Online newspapers.

On Thursday December 14th, the FCC is going to vote on the repeal of net neutrality. For those of you not as politically inclined-let me share the outrage.

Net neutrality is our ability to not only see the content we want to see, but access certain websites with easy access and speed. With the repeal of this great gift, small businesses and college students relying on the internet for education(like myself), or their businesses, will be slowed down and charged for their websites. Sites we visit may include fees for us to access content, and attempting to support small business near me may become nearly impossible. What business owner wants their sites to lag, when using the best marketing tool for their product?

This is a HUGE issue for many of us today, so please act now. There are petitions, phone numbers, and pre-written letters to congress. Hell, write one yourself if you’d like. https://www.battleforthenet.com/

There is not much time before our education and businesses are attacked. Our freedom of the world wide web will soon be cut short unless we Break the Internet.

This message was brought to you in part by a very concerned College Student, self-teacher and previous small business owner.

xoxo, G

Conspiracy or Coincidence?

I’m sure we have all seen The Simpsons. The satirical cartoon comedy with a small minded yellow family has many coincidence theorists alert.

Was this show just a family cartoon or did the producer know more than what we think?

In a 1997 episode called The City of New York v. Homer Simpson contains many shocking images hinting the tragedy of 9/11. Now before we get into this touchy topic…lets touch base with the producer of the Simpsons.

Matt Groening, creator and producer of the Simpsons was originally noticed by his cartoon work. The cartoon clip I posted below (which I do not own, this was sourced from Buzzfeed website, and product of the artist), was created in 2005 containing a few alarming boxes of commentary. Look below, and you will see the words cautiously optimistic, compassionate conservative, docudrama, HOMELAND, hegemony, media bias, political capital, and the last box, containing part of a speech from President Bush following the creation of Homeland Security. “swift boat veterans” were a group of POW’s from Vietnam, who created this group as an anti Kerry campaign during the 2004 elections. “you’re fired” from the man himself Donald Trump, in 2005 slandered women in an interview with derogatory comments. Take a closer look at these key words and the date which are “forbidden 2005”.

This probably sounds like a cluster to you… so let me introduce the 1997 Simpsons episode, and tie up some loose ends.

On September 1st 1997, the New York episode of the Simpsons had a clip of Lisa holding up a newspaper with New York on the front, with $9, next to the twin towers, making the illusion of 911. Coincidentally, Homer’s car had broken down in front of the World Trade Center. Lets add this up.

This episode was created 4 years before the 9/11 attacks. This political cartoon was created and released in 2005. 4 years after the 9/11 attacks. Aside from enormous amounts of information which directly prove this attack as an inside job for the invasion efforts of our government, as well as the desired implementation of drawing funds for a Homeland Security Program, even The Simpsons gave a clue!

Feel free to search this episode and see for yourself, there is also an episode of Johnny Bravo, aired April 27th 2001, which portrays the twin towers on fire on a picture display. No I am not one to feed into the internet trolls, just a little interesting cartoon info for all of the 90’s babies out there.

 

 

 

 

This post was created in response to the Daily Prompt:

Theory

Every Saint has a Past

Saintly . Webster’s Dictionary defined as a holy person.

A holy person is defined as 1 sacred sinless deserving of reverence 

What makes me most angry about this word, is how loose the meaning really is. I think being saintly, is not only loving the people around you, but finding love in yourself. The most saintly acts I have witnessed in my 19 years, have been people helping me with my groceries to the car, lifting boxes for me at work, or asking if I needed assistance. The kind of selfless acts where a person goes out of their way, to make sure you are okay before they are.

Saintly acts are the long night drives with good friends, talking me out of a depressive spell. They are “how are you” messages, or calls in the morning “let’s go get some breakfast”. Without even knowing it, things like this can make a huge difference in someone’s day.

But how do other people define Saintly? The ones who stay abstain from pre marital sex? The people who use no curse words in their vocabulary? Or how about those who pass no judgement onto others? Well… growing up in a Catholic Church, these were the things I was taught. But every Saturday and Monday I sat in the phew, listening to the priest talk, I thought isn’t everyone in this room passing judgments on every non-catholic? I absolutely could not jive with the ludicrous  teachings nor could I donate 10% of my salary to a building which pays no taxes. I didn’t even have a salary!

Being away from the pressures from the church, has taught me more valuable lessons than blindly following a religion I was raised in. I have seen more saintly people outside of a church, than those who sat next to me at the altar. I have watched people feed the homeless in the city, out of the good in their hearts, and empty to their wallets to veterans on the street. This to me, is more saintly than reading pages of a book on Sunday, and judging “nonbelievers” Monday through Friday.

The tattooed girl across the room who once had multiple sexual partners in the same week and ate red meat on Fridays, expressed more empathy and kindness to the world, than the white haired woman with a cross around her neck condemning her for her appearance. Who is the one picking and choosing who is Sacred? Saintly? Deserving? I would say it’s time to trash these stigmas because we will all join each other in the same wooden box six feet under.

When I hear the word saintly, my mind races. My blood boils. Why does this word have to be so linear? When I have a child, he/she will be raised saintly. To love everyone they walk past and do what is right. But I refuse to force them into a Webster’s dictionary definition, promising them Heaven when the world around us is Hell.

xoxo -G

 

When to stay and when to Walk Away

See it is much easier to enjoy life where you are sitting, if you have a conventional family. Mine on the other hand- is the farthest from the average. I am an only child who hates to be bothered, but loves the company of large families. My sister is a 5″0′ green eyed cancer on the West side of the country with absolutely no blood relation. But at a young age I had to figure out blood isn’t thicker than water. I have two sets of parents now, both who love me dearly, who cheer me on and who motivate me. But one wants me to reach for the stars and the other, wishes for me to reach the bar above my head.

Well maybe “walking away” is not the best phrase. How about Relocate ?

That’s better. Stay focused here, because what you are reading is no illusion.

My house is no longer home. Have you ever experienced that feeling? Like I am waiting for an acceptance I will not receive, I stay confined to the area of my room and the pages in my book. Pinterest holds my dreams in folders- “I will have these pillows, to match that rug. This is how I will save money”. I crave my own space free of late night conversations, free of arguments and accusations.

Maybe that is life.

Maybe the urge to move away and start out on our own is on all of our minds, some of us do great while some of us fail. But the ringing in my ears and the knocking in my head is not life. It is a space which cannot control me any longer. It is a space which tells me to stop trying so hard to find my shape, and stay in the straight line I was raised in.

Some people may say it is easier to find peace in where you are, and try not to rush it. I agree. I have found peace, but that was a while ago. I am ready to be on my own.  I crave quiet, being alone, being present in my own home. I am ready for bills, maintenance and responsibility. I am ready for the final step of independence, and the stress it entails.

I am my motivator. My views and my goals have moved so far left from what was set in a mold for me, I no longer feel a connect with my architects. So tell me how hard it will be, when I relocate. Tell me about how you tried and failed, or how it was the best decision you ever made.